Who does Enzo Fernandez think he is – besides a stroppy-looking cross between a Shoreditch barista and Scrappy-Doo?

Don't get me wrong, Chelsea's 'project' looks about as enticing as a Wetherspoons lock-in with Richard Keys – but £107m midfielder and club captain Enzo's attempts to wiggle out of it had all the subtlety and class of a Dan Burn double-stepover.

Last month, the Argentine let slip that he was considering his future and quite fancied living in Madrid – home, entirely uncoincidentally, of Real "wink-wink, nudge-nudge" Madrid, who have been linked with the midfielder for more than a year.

Enzo Fernandez's comments about his Chelsea future were classless(Image: Getty Images)

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After Liam Rosenior quite rightly decided to sit him on the naughty step for a week, Fernandez's agent started moaning about how "unfair" it all was, like some mopey teenager who'd just had their strawberry-ice vape confiscated.

Apparently, Enzo did nothing wrong because he didn't specifically say he wanted...