Trust the process. Ignore the haters. Promise that the trophies will come. Stay on brand. Disappear on international duty and issue a brazen come-and-get me plea to Real Madrid. Suggest a move to Barcelona would be difficult to reject. Don’t silence the noise. Increase the noise. Question the club’s transfer policy. Say you miss the previous manager. Say Madrid is your favourite European city. Say it more than once. Hang on. Have we gone off-message here?

These have been a turbulent few weeks for Chelsea. Humbled in Europe by Paris Saint-Germain, and in danger of allowing their Premier League campaign to spiral out of control, they could have done without two of their biggest players creating a PR storm during the international break. Marc Cucurella and Enzo Fernández did not get the memo, though. Fernández is clearly after a summer move – “I really like Madrid, it’s similar to Buenos Aires,” the Argentina midfielder said this week. Meanwhile Cucurella did not hold back during a recent interview with the Athletic, saying Chelsea have “paid the price” for their inexperience, questioning Enzo Maresca’s mid-season departure and saying the heavy defeat by PSG in the last 16 of the Champions League...