Great. It looks like we're in for another Graham Potter style Premier League title race: one that, on paper, should be brilliant, but is actually just boring and really low-quality.

For the past few years, the Premier League champions – like the elected officials in this country – have been the best of a bad bunch. It's like sex after a night out: someone's on top, but only because everyone else is too wobbly to make any sort of meaningful impact.

This season's 'winners by default' look like Arsenal – a team so uninteresting they could be sponsored by Alan Shearer's punditry. Yes, they defend well, and yes, they can lump in a corner like nobody's business, but that just makes them Tony Pulis's Stoke with better skincare routines.

Watching them grind out 2-0 win after 2-0 win is like watching a fax machine send a document. Fair play, it gets the job done, but it's as mind-numbing as one of Matt Le Tissier's Covid rants.

Arsenal don't play teams off the park, they hold them hostage with paperwork. It's...